Bullshit marketing words that need to go and die...

by Nick Annies

That's me in an alternative dimension, where there is no marketing bullshit wordologyism...

Bullshit marketing words that need to go and die...

Just in case you hadn't noticed, this is a bit of  gear grinder for me - bullshit marketing buzz words that need to go and die, forever. I hate them, as most people do, apart from would be MD's and social media dick-heads who think they know what they are doing, when in fact they don't have a clue (the irony does not escape me said I)...

So, this will be a long list, and will never end so long as I shall live, and will continue long after I have gone, in one way, shape or form.

So let's start with this little cheeky number that seems to be popular right about now (circa 2014, 2015). What the fuck does 'agile' mean in marketing? So far as I can tell it simply allows agencies to cut out a lot of the processes and due diligence when delivering a project, supposedly to enable them to deliver in quicker 'cycles'. Bollocks, it just means they cut costs by reducing their workload and applying their generic client campaign template.

This is perhaps the most abused marketing bullshit word of the moment that I hate the most. I want to collaborate and build something, perhaps even a relationship for many years. You want to come along and disrupt shit? Go away.

Yep, it's still around and it's experiencing a bit of a comeback. Let's hope it gains enough traction so that by the time it reaches us it will just sail straight past and back into obscurity.

Seriously??!? WTF...Totes amazeballs...they are the unfortunate people in society who are trying to grow up while this mad world of bullshit swirls around them. Can you imagine that? I feel for them, I really do...(bazinga). At least they have 'ultra realistic' video games to play now...something I really wish I had back in the day ;-(

'The Internet Of Things (IoT)'
The last time I looked (a few seconds ago) the internet was still a thing that I could only access through my laptop, or on my phone. It's not looking like it's going to be a 'thing' anytime soon, yet this idea has been around for quite some time - no one seems to have figured out how to 3D print the internet yet.

'Thought Leader'
Do I really need to explain why this is such a bad idea?

'Growth Hacking'
In my experience, when you hack something you hit it hard with something sharp, so this seems slightly contrary to growth. Maybe it's one of those conundrums like 'Tall Short' or 'Biggy Smalls', fuck knows. All I know is it's another phrase that can go and die...

'Brand Storytelling'
Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I will begin...Er, hold on, can I just buy it without the preamble please?

'Programmatic Marketing'
Making machines do shit so we don't have to, it's not exactly a new idea is it.

'Award Winning'
Oh dear, when did you win that award and how many years are you going to keep talking about it? 2011? Awards are shite, they mean nothing, what's more important is the stuff you do day in day, you know, the boring stuff.

'Game Changing/Changer'
No, you're not, you just think you are. No one else does.

What a really weird and convoluted way of describing a business person or someone involved in business. Not only does it sound shite, it's not easy to spell correctly either. Why??!? (credit to Jane at Catfish for this one)

'National Acquisition Marketing Manager'
We love really stupid job titles, but I mean come on, WTF is this? We have the FSB for this one...